


Needles and Hay

by FictionStartsHere



Category: Fairy Tales & Related Fandoms, Original Work, Three Little Pigs (Fairy Tale)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Bar Room Brawl, Bars and Pubs, Fairy Tale Parody, Fairy Tale Retellings, Feuding, Fractured Fairy Tale, Hansel and Gretel Elements, Howlfield, Humor, McSwines, Revisionist Fairy Tale, Role Reversal, What's Happening Here, old history, pigs and wolves and people oh my
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:09:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28596735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FictionStartsHere/pseuds/FictionStartsHere
Summary: Things had been the same for such a long time. BB was used to it. It was just how things worked.But every once in awhile, you wish it wasn't.And sometimes, you just can't take it any more.This is that story.
Kudos: 1





	Needles and Hay

**Author's Note:**

> A/N- I created this account to share random bits of my writing from all sorts of areas, genres, fandoms and whatnot. This is my first ever go 'round writing a Fractured Fairy Tale, and I will admit, it was just as difficult as it was fun, and as intriguing as it was frustrating, lol. I may be working on another soon. I hope you enjoy, but if you don't, feel free to move along. There's tons more stuff to read on Ao3, I promise. ;)

**FFT**FFT**

"BB, they're here."

"Needles and hay! Why tonight?" BB crossed the floor to look out the large front window and then looked back at the short, dark haired man who'd warned him of the incoming trio.

The stocky man shrugged and tipped his head towards the door, "I dunno Boss, but nothing we've ever done has kept them out. They just ran right through the extra wood on the door."

BB nodded and pulled the curtains closed. He headed to the front door, pausing to peer back over his shoulder at the few patrons drinking and listening to The Howlers play. Sighing, he looked at his bouncer. "Do you think you can call G in? Last time was a disaster."

"I'll call her, Boss," Zel pulled out his cell and looked back at BB, "but she ain't gonna like it." 

BB nodded, heading back to the bar. "Nobody liked it, Zel. But I don't know what else to do!"

Zel walked the opposite direction, phone to his ear, and stationed himself to the side of the large front doors. Trouble came in many sizes, but this kind was capable of blowing your socks off. And occasionally, doors. 

"G. They're back. How fast can you get down here?" Zel shook his head, reaching out to lock the doors, even though he knew full well it was unlikely to stop the incoming tirade. Brick barriers or not. 

“I don’t know either, G. Sticks and Stones couldn’t keep ‘em out. Not sure what’s next." Zel pulled the phone from his ear and stared at it, "What?! No! I’m a bouncer not a butcher!" 

"May not be a bad idea," BB huffed, frustration clear, "I locked the back doors. Warned the band."

"G's on her way. She said to tell you this is getting old."

"More'n twenty years old." BB agreed, as the chanting began, mingled with the sounds of banging.

"Ancient history, huh?!" Zel backed against the wall, one hand resting on his billy club. BB grabbed a broom from near the door and positioned himself opposite Zel. 

"Whiny wolf, whiny wolf, give us gin!" The banging became almost melodic, in time with the chanting of the oversized Wilber and friends.

Zel rolled his eyes, "Why do they do this every time?!"

BB shrugged, warily watching the door, "Tradition."

"If I followed tradition, I'd be chasing crumbs through the forest," Zel grumbled, tensing as the voices and banging got closer.

"Whiny wolf, whiny wolf, give us gin!!" 

"Don't do it, man," Zel hissed, watching BB lean back against the wall, "don't do it!"

"Not in the lair of my for-mer kin!!"

Banging his head against the wall, Zel grumbled, "You just had too, huh?"

"Give 'm a break, Zel. It's how this always goes." The snapping voice came sharply across the room.

"G!" Zel waved her over, pointing at BB and she nodded, "they're about at the door now."

"Why you don't just let them in, Old Man," G moved in front of BB, pushing him back a bit, "Always needing us to save the day."

BB chuckled despite the banging that was clearly on the front door now, "It's what I pay you for, Cheeky. And I did let them in, once upon a time! Nightly! The whole dang family! That's why we have this issue!"

"Whiny wolf, whiny wolf, GIVE US GIN!"

The doors creaked and pieces of wood began to splinter near the lock, the trio on the other side still banging. Still chanting.

"Unlock the door." BB's voice was hollow and Zel lowered his club, staring at the canine with huge eyes.

"Say what now?!" Zel shook his head as G stepped forward, reaching for the lock, "G, he's not thinking straight! He's got customers in here!"

"Do it, G. Let's end this. Or, try too."

G looked over her shoulder for only a moment, locking eyes with BB, before moving to release the latch.

"Folks, it's about to get a bit wild in here!" Zel yelled out, dashing across the small bar to stand in front of the other occupants. The front doors banged against the walls, G shoving BB back and away from immediate harm.

"Then we pushed and we stormed and we knocked the doors in!" The McSwine's tumbled into the bar, hooves high, voices brash and bragging.

"It's about time, Howlfield." One giant boar spoke, voice dark and menacing.

BB stepped around G, still holding tight to his broom, and planted himself in front of the oversized hamhock. He felt G move to stand behind him and he could hear Zel calming his patrons.

"Time to end this, Diablo." BB agreed, pointing at the large hog and his brothers, "you aren't welcome here and haven't been in years."

Diablo's jowls shook as he angrily waved his hooves at BB, "Ain't right for you to keep us out after what you done!" 

"Yeah!" The two slightly smaller boars chimed in, pushing past Diablo, and heading for the bar. 

BB swung his broom handle down in front of them, stopping their forward motion. "I haven't done anything. Your Uncle caused a ruckus, nearly burning down my business."

"You broke his leg!" Diablo's face, if possible, turned redder and he charged in BB's direction. G quickly moved to BB's side, her staff at the ready, and the fierce looking creature halted, growling at her. His beady eyes narrowed even more, one hoof slashing through the air, as he grunted, "You owe us, Howlfield!"

BB shook his head, "No. Your Uncle was drunk off his rocker. Started a fire, and tripped over his own feet. Broke his own leg!"

"That ain't true!" One of the smaller pigs turned, looking at Diablo in confusion, "Uncle says the Wolf tripped him and started the fire to cover it up!"

"Yeah, and then whined for years about the damage to his bar!" The other boar added, shifting his mountainous bulk to face off with G, "all of it's his own fault!"

BB let out a sharp whistle, drawing the attention of all three McSwine's back to himself. "That is not what happened and I'm done with you three destroying my bar whenever you feel like it."

"You calling Uncle Lester a liar?!"

"I'm saying," BB spoke slowly, "that I'm done with this. Now. Would you like a drink?"  
BB heard G's sharp intake of breath and the curse that came across the small room was definitely from Zel. And he could hear the quiet murmuring of his customers since the band had stopped playing.

"BB…" G gripped her staff tightly and glanced from the pork chop trio back to BB, "are you sure?"

Nodding, a look on his face the bouncer had never seen before, BB jerked his head towards the bar. "C'mon, if it's gin you want, it's gin you'll get!"

The three pigs exchanged glances and at Diablo's nod, they moved to follow BB, as the tall, graying wolf headed to the bar. G stepped to the side, shrugging when she caught Zel's eye. She didn't have any idea what BB was doing. 

"Your favorite drink isn't really the gin though, is it?" BB asked, pulling bottles out and setting them on the counter.

The darker, slightly skinnier of the two smaller pigs shook his head, his eyes lighting up. "No! It's the Maple Bourbon!" The other pigs nodded, Diablo moving right up to the bar to watch BB intently, if warily.

BB gave a soft grin, "Yeah, that was Lester's favorite too."

G came up behind BB, again asking if he knew what he was doing. He didn't look at her, but nodded, as he set three glasses on the counter. He began to pour a deep brown liquid from one bottle, mildly asking another question as he did. "Would you like to know something about these? What makes 'em so savory?"

"Sharing secrets now, Howlfield?" Diablo asked suspiciously.

BB shrugged casually, "Gotta move on sometime, right?"

"I wanna know!" The lighter, smaller pig demanded, pushing Diablo over. The bar rocked, shaking the drinks and bottles as the other pig joined him. 

"Alright, alright." BB grabbed another container from under the bar and, using a spoon, scooped some of its contents into the three glasses. He began to slowly stir them, one at a time, carefully avoiding looking at the pigs, despite their grumbles of obvious confusion.

Diablo was the first to erupt, banging a hoof on the counter, "Well, what is it!? Can't say you're gonna tell us and then not! We're waiting on them drinks, Whiny Wolf!"

Nodding, BB looked up from the trio of drinks to the trio of pigs, pulling the spoon from the last glass.

"Bacon." He set the spoon on the counter and met Diablo's eye, "Candied. Bacon."

Silence reigned for an intense moment, all three pigs staring at BB, mouths wide open.

"Would you like an apple to go with these?" BB asked, pushing the drinks across the counter, "I think I have some leftover from last month's BBQ."

A sharp squeal pierced the air, filling the bar, followed by a raging half growl, half scream as the two smaller creatures rushed for the door, terrified whines echoing around the small room. 

"You ain't serious." Diablo's voice was shaking though, unsure and fearful, "you'd never!"

BB pushed one glass even closer, "Maybe. Maybe not. Help yourself if you don't believe me. It's on the house."

Diablo stared at the drink, his entire body shaking. He reached for it, then pulled his hoof back. BB tipped his head toward the drink, carefully scooping out another spoonful of the bacon and dumping it into the drink. As it hit the amber liquid, Diablo roared, a loud shrieking noise that should've shattered the glasses in front of him. He shoved the drink back at BB, bourbon splashing onto the bartend's hands. Still wailing, a terrible keening sound, the large boar turned and ran from the building, the doors thudding behind him.

Grabbing the abandoned drink, BB downed it and turned to look at G. 

"Well played, Old Man. Well played."

BB gave a wolfish grin. 

Well played, indeed.


End file.
